Sabotage Aborted.
I never really understood what people meant by "self-sabotaging" in regards to diet, exercise, etc. I thought, you either make the decisions or you don't. But things aren't that Black and White. I have been making the right decisions for the last few weeks, or at least I thought I had been. The last eight weeks have been rough, getting on and then off of Yasmin- and the getting on and off of Alesse. I probably should've know and not even messed with them- but the doc thought it would be great for my pcos- but me and artificial hormones don't mix...Actually me and my own Horomones don't even really mix ;o)
Anyways- I have still been losing, but it has slowed way down. Then I went on vacation, and I did MUCH better than I would have in my old life-and I was sick the whole time- but I could've done better. I think it was when I got back that the self-sabotage started. I was basically sticking to my points and weekly points allowance- using more of my activity points that I should've been...but the real problem was nibbling through out the day. I have quit doing that a couple times since April- but then one week I slip- and still lose and then it is harder to stop- but then I nibble a bit more and a bit more. That is a decision though, each bite I took, I must have decided-right?
The sabotage is the voice in my head. The voice that was making me feel great through June- but lately it has been to my detriment. That voice is loud when it is positive, and I fully recognize it. But when it turns negative- it turns quiet...but powerful. I don't realize how much it effects me. I also have grown very competent at ignoring it. Popping that last bite of chicken nugget in my mouth before I even realize it. That voice has been telling me "I can't stop nibbling" "It's impossible"
"I'm failing right this second" But I don't stop to listen. After even hours of hearing that voice (let alone weeks) I start to feel defeated. I feel like I am failing. I feel fat again. I felt like I had gained back every pound I have lost so far. I felt big, and dirty and tired and alone.
Before the sabotage- I felt thin. I felt tiny. I felt full of energy and life. I felt unstoppable- but after 2 months I felt hopeless again. I couldn't figure out what had caused such a radical change.
First I hurt my knee.
Then I stopped exercising.
Then the voice turned negative.
Then the hormone craziness started.
Then the voice got stronger.
Then I went on vacation.
And got sick.
But started exercising again.
Then started nibbling.
And nibbled more.
I was so on plan- but how could I feel so off plan.
Oh wait I am not on plan if I am eating 5 pieces of cereal here, a chicken nugget, 2 drinks of that milk, and a bite of those eggs- ETC
The voice got stronger. (But quieter and more tricky)
This is the key.
This is how I have quit in the past.
I think 'man- I am OP- But I feel crappy about myself. This doesn't feel good anymore. It doesn't feel right.'
It's not the plan, however, that didn't feel right- it is the way I have sabotaged and twisted and deceived myself.
This time however, I have realized it. I know that this change is for life and that helped me not quit. Not quitting helped me dig deeper and look into myself. Digging helped me realize the sabotage that was really happening and undermining my success and happiness.
That gave me my power back. I will make the right choices. I will write down everything that I eat before I eat it. I will exercise.
I am fit and healthy. I am successful and empowered. I just need love, support and encouragement- from myself- to do this. I am worth it. I can do this!
Sabotage Aborted.
Jackie
SW 300.8
CW 267.0
33.8 pounds Lost forever!
Anyways- I have still been losing, but it has slowed way down. Then I went on vacation, and I did MUCH better than I would have in my old life-and I was sick the whole time- but I could've done better. I think it was when I got back that the self-sabotage started. I was basically sticking to my points and weekly points allowance- using more of my activity points that I should've been...but the real problem was nibbling through out the day. I have quit doing that a couple times since April- but then one week I slip- and still lose and then it is harder to stop- but then I nibble a bit more and a bit more. That is a decision though, each bite I took, I must have decided-right?
The sabotage is the voice in my head. The voice that was making me feel great through June- but lately it has been to my detriment. That voice is loud when it is positive, and I fully recognize it. But when it turns negative- it turns quiet...but powerful. I don't realize how much it effects me. I also have grown very competent at ignoring it. Popping that last bite of chicken nugget in my mouth before I even realize it. That voice has been telling me "I can't stop nibbling" "It's impossible"
"I'm failing right this second" But I don't stop to listen. After even hours of hearing that voice (let alone weeks) I start to feel defeated. I feel like I am failing. I feel fat again. I felt like I had gained back every pound I have lost so far. I felt big, and dirty and tired and alone.
Before the sabotage- I felt thin. I felt tiny. I felt full of energy and life. I felt unstoppable- but after 2 months I felt hopeless again. I couldn't figure out what had caused such a radical change.
First I hurt my knee.
Then I stopped exercising.
Then the voice turned negative.
Then the hormone craziness started.
Then the voice got stronger.
Then I went on vacation.
And got sick.
But started exercising again.
Then started nibbling.
And nibbled more.
I was so on plan- but how could I feel so off plan.
Oh wait I am not on plan if I am eating 5 pieces of cereal here, a chicken nugget, 2 drinks of that milk, and a bite of those eggs- ETC
The voice got stronger. (But quieter and more tricky)
This is the key.
This is how I have quit in the past.
I think 'man- I am OP- But I feel crappy about myself. This doesn't feel good anymore. It doesn't feel right.'
It's not the plan, however, that didn't feel right- it is the way I have sabotaged and twisted and deceived myself.
This time however, I have realized it. I know that this change is for life and that helped me not quit. Not quitting helped me dig deeper and look into myself. Digging helped me realize the sabotage that was really happening and undermining my success and happiness.
That gave me my power back. I will make the right choices. I will write down everything that I eat before I eat it. I will exercise.
I am fit and healthy. I am successful and empowered. I just need love, support and encouragement- from myself- to do this. I am worth it. I can do this!
Sabotage Aborted.
Jackie
SW 300.8
CW 267.0
33.8 pounds Lost forever!
posted by Kanga_Mama_22 at 8:54 AM
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